Custodiat
by TheShadierTwin
Summary: Companion piece to "Everything You Ever". Moist watches. Crossover with Watchmen
1. Chapter 1

I do not own Watchmen or Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

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Doc miscalculated.

I guess he just looked at the far future - the one where the world's at peace and we all explore the stars and meet new aliens and stuff. Not the near future, where I got the tape he sent me, watched it, destroyed it, and still made it to his lab in time to be caught in the explosion.

Do you have any idea what size of explosion we're talking here?

You see the burn scar on my cheek? Yeah, it doesn't look major. But think about the kind of explosion it would take to leave a burn scar on somebody as drippy as me.

Yeah.

You get the picture.

I told everybody the same thing - that Doc had called me, sounded really depressed, and I got there too late. It was all technically true, except for the calling me part. And since I'm not dead or a cyborg or something, I guess the League believed me. Either that, or they knew what Doc was up to all along and decided to let him go ahead with it. I don't know, and I don't really want to find out.

CaptainHammer's out of therapy, now that he's heard Doc's dead. I don't know if you'd care, but you were his girlfriend for a while, and you seemed like the kind of person who liked to know people were doing good.

Doc said he saved the world for you, you know. I guess that would be called going hero, wouldn't it? I don't know if you care, but I don't think he'd have done it for anyone less.

Anyway.

Doc said he wanted any flowers for him to go here, so, here, I guess. They kind of wilted a little on the subway but they don't look too bad.

See you.


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own Watchmen or Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

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Penny! Penny, Penny, oh God, Penny!

Doc isn't dead!

God, I've been dying to tell somebody all day. See, I was digging through the lab ruins—

What? Don't look at me like that. I had a legitimate reason. Hourglass told me to, and when that woman talks, you listen.

Anyway, most of the technology was busted, right? 'Cause of the explosion. Except there was this one thing, looked like a plasma screen TV, and I picked it up and it still worked. I mean, it only kind of works, because it's stuck on one universe and it only plays what's happening in real time, but that's okay, because it's the universe Doc went to.

Man. It totally just occurred to me that the only person I can tell this to is six feet underground. It kind of sucks that the only other person who cares about what happens to Doc is a dead chick, and not even a dead chick who can talk back like Banshee.

But hey, it's good that he isn't dead, right? He totally went Hero for real there, Penny. He's, like, beating up pimps and killing murderers and stuff. That's what Heroes are supposed to do, right?

Anyway, I've got an interview with the henchman's union in a couple of hours. I think I'll finally get in this time.


	3. Chapter 3

I do not own Watchmen or Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

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Hey, Penny.

It's me again.

Before you ask, I'm still stuck with Bleemar. At least shclee hasn't decided I'm food and digested me yet. Roland says I should be able to apply for a transfer after Bleemar fails to fill out a performance review for the third month in a row.

So, Doc's still kicking around, I guess. It's funny - for a guy who talks so much about wanting to be dead, he sure is holding on.

I guess it's because... because he's not Doc anymore. He's not even the Billy you knew. Last night he killed the guy who gave him the idea of how to save the world. I know, right? For all that he wanted to rule the world, Doc never really wanted to kill anybody - even Hammer. Hammer's participated in a couple of team-ups against Bleemar in the past couple of months, and I'm sorry, but I don't see what you saw in him He's a huge jerk. But this new Doc - Rorshach, I guess his name is now. Rorshach doesn't just kill criminals - this Ozymandias guy was a hero in their world. I mean, he was going to wreck his plan that was saving the world, but... our Doc would have... I don't know what he would have done but he was big on the non-lethal.

I was looking through some of Doc's old vlogs and he said you liked crocuses, so... here, Penny.

I'll see you next week.


	4. Chapter 4

I do not own Watchmen or Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

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Um... hi.

I've got some bad news. Or... maybe it's good news. News, anyway.

Rorshach found a girl in his world who looks just like you did, and she's got a brother who looks just like Hammer.

It's kind of good news, because maybe he'll stop wanting to be dead. Maybe he'll stop being Rorshach, and maybe he'll marry her, and they'll have kids together and a dog and a white picket fence in the suburbs. He always seemed like he was more meant for that life than for crime, or being a hero.

If life worked like that, I'd be a tech support guy, instead of henchman to the lamest the Evil League of Evil have to offer. Or maybe even management.

So she'll probably die right before he's about to tell her he loves her. Or get taken over by a robot clone right after their wedding. Those two things seem to happen about as often, from what I've seen. Sidebar, according to People Magazine, it's probably going to be "killed in a border dispute" for the Juneau Avenger when she ties the knot with Terrence, the North-Western Terrier. Who knew Canadians could be so reactionary? Of course, robot clones aren't really common in Rorshach's world, so she'll probably just die. In front of him, knowing his luck.

I don't think he's strong enough to go through that again.

God, I wish you could talk to me. Say something about, like, how he'll be fine, how he's got friends who'll hold him together, even though we both know it isn't true.

I...

Bye, Penny.

I'll be back next week.


	5. Chapter 5

I do not own Watchmen or Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog

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Captain Hammer was out of hiding, and had been for twenty years now, but he still went to see the therapist every Saturday at three o'clock. It turned out that he had more underlying issues than he could count, although he was never very good at counting. Also, the realization of his mortality had left a lasting psychological scar, which would sound good in the biography, but was interfering with his crimefighting.

The therapist had finally convinced him to go to Penny's grave.

As he walked through the graveyard, he tried very hard not to remember the fact that there were a lot of dead bodies buried underground - potential zombies, the lot of them. When he died, he wanted his body to be hurled into space, so that if he came back as a zombie, he would infect the aliens, not the humans.

There was somebody else walking through the graveyard towards Penny's grave.

The middle aged, sweaty little man wore a pair of old jeans and a ratty t-shirt that read "I Survived Bleemar". He carried a blanket and a small pot of crocuses. As he and Captain Hammer both walked closer to the grave, he recognized the sweaty Indian.

"You're that higher-up in the Henchman's Union, Moist, right?"

Moist jumped, finally noticing Captain Hammer. "Shit," he said. "Nobody told me there was an occult resurrection today."

"Uh... I don't think so..."

Moist paled. "Zombie incursion?"

"God, I hope not."

Moist sighed in relief, then hesitated. "So... what are _you_ doing here, then?"

"I came to visit my dead girlfriend," said Captain Hammer, as heroically as he could muster when surrounded by dead people and a Henchman. "And you, villain?"

"I'm visiting the grave of the person my best friend loved," said Moist, completely deadpan, and a little bit angry. "Like I've done every week. For the past twenty years. Where the hell have you been all that time?"

"I... what?"

"You remember, Doctor Horrible? The guy who you tried to kill the day Penny died? Yeah, before he went away, he asked me to bring flowers to Penny's grave for him. Which you have never done. Never even paid anybody to drop off flowers for you. Jerk." Captain Hammer was shocked. No one had ever called him a jerk before. Worse names, if they were a villain and he'd screwed up their dastardly plans, but nothing personal like that. "Whatever. I can't make you leave, even though I sure as hell want to. Just leave us alone."

"Us?"

Moist was done talking to Captain Hammer. He spread the blanket on the ground and sat down, putting the crocuses next to the rest of the potted garden on Penny's grave. "Hey, Penny," he said. "Sorry I can't make him leave. I mean, where has he been all these years, and he thinks he can just show up now, and act like he has the right to remember you?

"But anyway, I know you want to hear about Little Billy. He's three now - birthday was on Tuesday. He's scary smart, you know, a lot like his dad. He got a chemistry set for his birthday - one of those old-school ones with the actual chemicals - and he already blew up a dumpster just to find out what would happen.

"That chick in leather, Comedienne? She's pregnant. I know, right? Who would have thought? She's going to stay with Sonia until she has the baby. She looks... happy. No, more than that... content. I don't think I've seen her this content. The baby's due in December, I think.

"Sonia seems to be doing... okay. She's hanging out at his grave less and less these days - I think she'll pull through, since she's got Little Billy to live for. I hope so, anyway. Growing up without parents screwed Doc up pretty bad, before he even met you. And then when he went there, and became Rorshach... but he's dead now, with you, I hope. Say hi to him for me, by the way.

"Anyway, I'm going to go home. I've got a date with Hourglass. Oh, and Gadgettar says he might be able to get the two-way transdimensional portal working tomorrow, so I can meet my... my kind-of nephew. If it doesn't explode and kill us all, I'll see you next week," said Moist. "Bye Penny."

"Wait," said Captain Hammer. "Doctor Horrible didn't die twenty years ago?"

"No," said Moist, coldly. "He died three years ago. A hero, in another dimension. He had actual friends at his funeral, which is more than they'll be able to say for you. Now, unless I'm mistaken, any attack by a super-powered being on anyone within five feet of a graveyard is considered assault. So you will leave me alone, and I will leave you alone, and we can try to kill each other if we see each other tomorrow."

He left, glaring at the hero. Captain Hammer just stood there, alone among the dead people, for five minutes until he turned to look at Penny's grave. "Um..." he said, not really knowing where to begin. "Hi, Penny..."


End file.
